I heard some one once describe denial like this, It's like covering your eyes and walking straight across a busy highway. Now that denial is gonna hurt!
By not seeing yourself or a situation for how it really is you can't possibly react, behave or respond appropriately. We all have a certain degree of warped reality. There are certain things in all our lives that we either can't or won't face the reality of or we don't even know that we are not seeing the realty.
By responding to a situation with beliefs that are not real for so long sets up patterns of destructive behaviors which can adversely affect our well-being.
Denial is sometimes intentional. Sometimes it's easier to think a certain way about things than to face the reality of them. An obvious example would be a bad relationship. We will "overlook" bad behavior and even abuse from other people in order to avoid the reality of the relationship. Then guess what? We suffer. We let ourselves be hurt over and over and we stay attached to some one that chips away at our soul.
This affects our self worth, self esteem and our strength as a human. We feel weak. We may develop anxiety, emotional disorders and physical health issues. This all stems from denial.
We avoid reality and live in denial out of fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of facing change, fear of something unfamiliar. Denial allows us to NOT CHANGE! Changing takes work.
How do we face reality?
First of all you must have the ability to be honest with yourself. Even those individuals that have mental health issues have the ability to be honest with themselves. Some people just don't. This is a sad reality.You must have a strong, realistic person in your life to help you process your truth and call you on your stuff!
You must be willing and ready to make some serious changes.
OK, no one likes it when some one calls you on stuff. But if you have some one in your life that can do it appropriately they are exactly the kind of people you want in your life. They will gently help you see the reality of things and they will be there to help you process it. Some times we are so warped and think a certain way about things our whole lives that we have to have an outside perspective to find a new way of thinking.
What does happen when you face reality? Once you see a behavior, thought pattern or situation for what it really is, you can't possibly go on living with it. If we do then we are no longer victims we are full-on volunteers!
Don't panic. Most changes are simply the way we think about things and see things. They are simple, but we just don't see them. We just need an enlightenment or an Aha moment. Most changes are small yet life changing. They are just unfamiliar and different for us. Having a counselor, spiritual adviser, coach or consultant with a detached perspective to help you in the process is the only way to do this. They won't tell you what you want to hear and they won't be clouded by emotions and personal history. You can't do this alone. YOUR thinking is what got you to where you are right now.
There are number of ways to start finding the reality of things. Start by looking at all your relationships. Is there a pattern of behavior in your partner that never changes? Do you ignore or look the other way when promises she made to you are broken or left unfulfilled? Does your partner cause you anxiety when you're with her? Are you afraid to say what you feel for fear of the narcissistic rage you've experienced in the past? Are you avoiding certain people or situations because of this relationship?
Do you want to be joyful and live the best life you can? Do you really? Knowing the truth is always best, even if it's not the truth you want. Imagine yourself knowing the truth about why you feel certain ways, think certain ways, behave certain ways. Most of the time when you do this and accept it, you can actually look back and laugh at yourself. And imagine the freedom of knowing you never have to follow old destructive patterns out of a warped reality or denial again. Imagine having healthy behaviors and responses to people and situation that used to mess you up.
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