Due to the conflict with my son and his girlfriend, my contact with my grandson has been limited to telephone contact and Instagram.
His sociopathic mother continues to make vague derogatory comments about us not seeing our grandson, yet she makes it impossible to do so. My grandson no longer has possession of his phone and his mother has blocked access on Instagram.
Monday, March 31, 2014
Saturday, March 29, 2014
Letter To My Son
I believe the saddest day of my life was the day you told me I was dead to you. I heard only venomous anger in your voice. I am positive today will go down as the loneliest day in my life.
I loved you before I ever met you, and I have loved you since the instant I held you in my arms. I did not truly grasp the meaning and significance of unconditional love until you came into this world. You have always amazed me in so many ways. You were such a bright, articulate child with a vivid imagination. You believed you were the best at whatever you did, and so you were. I remember one day being worried when I couldn't find you, and in my search, I got myself turned around in the woods and just before full panic set in, you found me. I remember you firmly taking my hand, and with more confidence than most grown men, said 'don't worry momma, I'll take care of you', and you did. I always believed you and I would be close forever.It devastates me to see how hostile you are toward me. The hurtful names and derogatory remarks were intentionally used to inflict the most pain you could without actual physical contact. It is evident malice is all you feel for me in your heart now. I never wished you dead. Like everything else in the last few months, even this was twisted until I was accused of saying you were dead to me, which is an absolute lie. The day you said we were dead to you, I wrote 'I lost my son today', and I have lost you.You violated social norms, crossed cultural and personal boundaries that 99.9 % of us would never even contemplate, much less carry through with such impunity. There is absolutely no justification for the way you treated me REGARDLESS of what you believe I said or did.Everyone gets angry at their parents at one time or another. I recall being so angry at my own father that I refused to call him Dad, and I recall major fights with all 4 of your grandparents. I still hold animosity toward your Pawpaw for the cruel things he said about Granny and Belle-Anna. Maw-maw crushed my heart when I was pregnant with you over a misunderstanding. I remember when Pop learned your dad and I had married. He was so angry. He pushed your dad up against the wall. He refused to even acknowledge your dad's existence for a long time. For a man who did not hold his tongue and would fight at the drop of a hat, your dad never retaliated. Do you know why? Respect for his elders. They eventually became as close as any father and son. Had your father disrespected him the way you and Nikki have done to both of us, the close relationship they shared would have never happened.These are only the MAJOR things I can recall at the moment. Despite all our disagreements, we never belittled, humiliated or disrespected your grandparents the way you have done me, nor would we have ever allowed anyone else to do so. It's my opinion that once a person crosses those lines, there is no longer a relationship to salvage. I will not allow you the opportunity to shatter my life again.Just because you say I am dead to you does not mean I feel the same about you. Regardless of how you feel about me, regardless of your unwarranted anger toward me, and regardless of your untrue and baseless accusations against me, you cannot make me stop loving you or stop worrying about your well-being.I worry about what will become of you and how you will feel when you realize the magnitude of the decision you've made. What will happen when you need to talk, or need encouragement, or need someone to just listen and you realize that more often than not, that someone was me? I trusted you unconditionally, and you never gave me any reason to doubt you or question your integrity or loyalty, until now. I would never intentionally hurt you in any way, and for the life of me, I cannot understand your motivation in lashing out at me.You have made your decision to cut me out of your life, albeit for reasons you have never articulated. I cannot picture any scenario in which a relationship could survive the hatred and cruelty you've shown. If I could, I would see and do things differently.
I do remember you and your family in prayer everyday. I have asked God to keep you safe and give you peace of mind and happiness. I wish the best for you and your new family and pray also, this is what you've been searching to find, because they are your only family now. I love you, son, and I will surely miss you until the day I draw my last breath.
I will always and forever love you,Your Mother
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Response To My Son’s Narcissistic Girlfriend’s Efforts to Get Me To Pay Attention To Her
This was sent to me by you and my son a day or so before my trip to see Bryden with Hope and Neni.
Then you want to play your game of making yourself out to be a victim, and using your child to do so, by posting messages to me from his Instagram account while he was in school today?
then a few hours later you post this on FaceBook so everyone sees you as the victim of a mean ole person, and showers you with attention, which is all you want anyway.
NOW READ SLOWLY AND CAREFULLY: I have asked you several times to stop contacting me. All you are looking for is drama, and as far as I’m concerned this is your problem, not mine. Now leave me alone. NO CONTACT MEANS JUST THAT, NO CONTACT.
Do not use your mother or my grandson to do your dirty work.
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Projection and the Narcissistic Woman
I have been dealing with such a person, and it is uncanny how she can turn ANY blame or fault of hers around and actually make other people believe she is the victim. I do not believe I would have ever had a need to research projection, nor even been aware of the facts I uncovered had it not been for my son bringing such a woman into our lives. Projection invariably occurs whenever a crisis point is reached. Since it is impossible for the Narcissist to admit thoughtlessness or error, it must have been someone else who was at fault. It is almost impossible to describe the feeling of confusion that the victim of Narcissistic abuse feels when they not only have to endure the abuse, but be accused of being the abuser as well. It is like falling down the rabbit hole, where up is down and right is wrong. The abused question themselves because of the very strength of their character, which drew the attention of the Narcissist in the beginning of the relationship. Other examples may be harder to recognize, especially if they don't involve violence. Was an unkind word spoken? If it was, then the victim was the one who uttered it. Did someone act irresponsibly in any number of areas, such as finances, sex, or relationships with extended family? If so, then it must have been the innocent party who was responsible, because the Narcissist is incapable of doing anything wrong. This can be proven through their prior solidification of admirable character through the practice of introjection. The ultimate mission of the Narcissist is to be adored, as a God, worshipped for the grand gift of their presence in the world. The Narcissist can not be changed, primarily because they enjoy being the way that they are. They revel in the power they are able to exert with their methods of physical and psychological torture. They will scoff at psychiatric counseling, because it will invariably point to their culpability and damaging behavior. However, they will cling to any diagnosis other than Narcissism which makes them the victim, rather than the villain. The best advice for someone who is suffering through a relationship with a Narcissist is to break it off. If children are involved, they should be isolated from the source of the conflict. Narcissism can invade the lives of the impressionable and claim them as its own. Since a Narcissist cares only for themselves, protestations over the welfare of shared children is pretence, and merely a subterfuge for their true intent to be the beloved center of attention.
Message to my son
I can't change your opinion of me, but if this is how you feel about your mother then I am nothing more to you than the woman who gave birth to you. I don't know how we got to this point but here we are. I will love you until the day I leave this world. Nothing will ever change that, but if you think I am out to do your harm then you are wrong. I am just speechless and confused. I foolishly believed we had a relationship beyond mother and son. I thought you considered me as a friend as well, but however you feel about me, you are my son, my heart. I would give my last breath to you. Do you know what I have given up for you and for you to think for one minute that I would do anything to hurt you or drive you away is just insane.
My Definition of Family
Family isn't only just about whose blood runs through your veins. Family is that circle of people who love you unconditionally, who believe in you, who are loyal to you even when you are not around, will stand up and defend you against ANYONE who talks trash about you, who has respect for the person you are, and who is there when you just need someone to listen or hold your hand through a crisis, whether you live down the street or hundreds of miles apart. Its someone you can go months or even years without seeing or speaking to and instantly pick right back up where you left off, as if no time had passed at all.
Anti-social personality/narcissist disorder
The name of this disorder is misleading, in that a person with anti-social personality disorder does not seek to avoid social interaction, in fact, these people thrive on it.
Scheming, deceiving, tricking, conniving -- call it what you want, but antisocial individuals are always putting one over on somebody to get whatever it is they are after. Many are polished con artists, highly skilled at deceiving people. They get into character and play the part, skillfully duping others into believing that they really are the caring doctor, the dutiful wife, the sensitive do-gooder or the generous contributor, all the while misusing and taking advantage of people and the environment in which they've placed themselves. The highly-respected politician or minister who was always viewed as a pillar of the community who is one day caught doing something awful that nobody would have ever thought possible is a classic example of an antisocial personality finally exposed. Once caught, antisocials often continue faking the role of model citizen or leader, insisting they are guilty of nothing, acting as if they have been unjustly accused, no matter the mountain of solid evidence. Or they may choose to fake contrition, pleading for forgiveness for that single, solitary supposed "mistake", when in reality, they have been very deftly conning trusting people for years and will continue to do so their whole lives. THEY CHARM. Antisocial people know that in order to accomplish the things they want that they're not entitled to, they need to get others out of the way first, because others will expose the unfairness of what they do, and that's a hassle. One of the ways they do this is by charming others into believing they are wonderful (or that they're victims). They will turn on the charm (or victim-act) whenever they're in the presence of someone whose admiration and trust they must gain in order to get what they want. Antisocials need no acting classes. They are astute observers of human behavior because by studying peoples' weaknesses, they learn best how to exploit them. Depending on their social environment, beneath their cleverly constructed veneer, they may be unethical businesspeople, street hustlers, con artists, crooked salesmen, or just plain shady personalities overall. They find it very easy to "play" people, take advantage of them, and then expertly avoid or deflect all responsibility onto whomever is handiest - sadly, often the victim themselves. 3. THEY ARE THOUGHTLESS. Antisocial personalities don't really care about anything but self-gratification. They don't care about anyone other than themselves, and they don't even care if they are caught and punished for what they do. Consequences for wrongdoing simply roll off their backs, and they continue on in life, which is something they consider to be nothing more than a little game of putting one over on people to get hold of things they want. They don't think about you, they don't think about society, they don't think about whether someone is getting hurt or if something is fair (except when they need to in order to figure out how to get around people who have such sensibilities.) Beneath the fakery, their attitude in life is summed up by thoughts like, "Who cares", "It's (the victim's) fault they got taken", and "I'm gonna get just what I want; watch this brilliant move...ha ha...the idiot fell for it!" All the while, playing innocent and sweet to prevent being caught. THEY ARE IMPULSIVE. The antisocial mind is focused on instant gratification and how to acquire it. Antisocial people don't often think about consequences, typically. Poor impulse control, limited ability (or inability) to delay gratification and put their interests second to others are common. Aggression, though not present in all antisocial people, is also common. These types tend to have a "short fuse" and are prone to lashing out without warning, threatening others, and physical assault. Many others, however, are considered "sub-criminal" sociopaths who live more quietly unempathic, socially deceptive and emotionally hurtful lives, and are more prone to sub-criminal interpersonal victimization. Recklessness and disregard for their own safety and the safety of others is often (but not always) seen in antisocial personalities. THEY DON'T LIKE RULES. Rules -- social rules, legal rules, reasonable expectations -- these aren't welcome constraints to antisocial individuals. After all, rules are made by others, and others don't matter to antisocial people. (Many will hide the fact that they don't care about anyone in order to gain influence and hide their true intentions. And they conceal their lack of caring well - feigning the empathy they lack, expertly mimicking those around them and blending in.) Depending on the individual and his or her particular combination of traits and characteristics, the antisocial person may covertly and sneakily break rules when no-one is watching, consistently blatantly break rules in full view and boast about their ability to do so, or any combination of the two. Some are prone to bragging about rules they have broken or offenses they have committed. Whether overt or covert, their disregard and contempt for reasonable interpersonal expectations, inability to abide by laws, gross inability to honor agreements, lack of respect for boundaries, and rejection of healthy norms and requirements are common among antisocial individuals. More Here: http://www.lightshouse.org/things-sociopaths-do.html#ixzz2fHN25UWU
Scheming, deceiving, tricking, conniving -- call it what you want, but antisocial individuals are always putting one over on somebody to get whatever it is they are after. Many are polished con artists, highly skilled at deceiving people. They get into character and play the part, skillfully duping others into believing that they really are the caring doctor, the dutiful wife, the sensitive do-gooder or the generous contributor, all the while misusing and taking advantage of people and the environment in which they've placed themselves. The highly-respected politician or minister who was always viewed as a pillar of the community who is one day caught doing something awful that nobody would have ever thought possible is a classic example of an antisocial personality finally exposed. Once caught, antisocials often continue faking the role of model citizen or leader, insisting they are guilty of nothing, acting as if they have been unjustly accused, no matter the mountain of solid evidence. Or they may choose to fake contrition, pleading for forgiveness for that single, solitary supposed "mistake", when in reality, they have been very deftly conning trusting people for years and will continue to do so their whole lives. THEY CHARM. Antisocial people know that in order to accomplish the things they want that they're not entitled to, they need to get others out of the way first, because others will expose the unfairness of what they do, and that's a hassle. One of the ways they do this is by charming others into believing they are wonderful (or that they're victims). They will turn on the charm (or victim-act) whenever they're in the presence of someone whose admiration and trust they must gain in order to get what they want. Antisocials need no acting classes. They are astute observers of human behavior because by studying peoples' weaknesses, they learn best how to exploit them. Depending on their social environment, beneath their cleverly constructed veneer, they may be unethical businesspeople, street hustlers, con artists, crooked salesmen, or just plain shady personalities overall. They find it very easy to "play" people, take advantage of them, and then expertly avoid or deflect all responsibility onto whomever is handiest - sadly, often the victim themselves. 3. THEY ARE THOUGHTLESS. Antisocial personalities don't really care about anything but self-gratification. They don't care about anyone other than themselves, and they don't even care if they are caught and punished for what they do. Consequences for wrongdoing simply roll off their backs, and they continue on in life, which is something they consider to be nothing more than a little game of putting one over on people to get hold of things they want. They don't think about you, they don't think about society, they don't think about whether someone is getting hurt or if something is fair (except when they need to in order to figure out how to get around people who have such sensibilities.) Beneath the fakery, their attitude in life is summed up by thoughts like, "Who cares", "It's (the victim's) fault they got taken", and "I'm gonna get just what I want; watch this brilliant move...ha ha...the idiot fell for it!" All the while, playing innocent and sweet to prevent being caught. THEY ARE IMPULSIVE. The antisocial mind is focused on instant gratification and how to acquire it. Antisocial people don't often think about consequences, typically. Poor impulse control, limited ability (or inability) to delay gratification and put their interests second to others are common. Aggression, though not present in all antisocial people, is also common. These types tend to have a "short fuse" and are prone to lashing out without warning, threatening others, and physical assault. Many others, however, are considered "sub-criminal" sociopaths who live more quietly unempathic, socially deceptive and emotionally hurtful lives, and are more prone to sub-criminal interpersonal victimization. Recklessness and disregard for their own safety and the safety of others is often (but not always) seen in antisocial personalities. THEY DON'T LIKE RULES. Rules -- social rules, legal rules, reasonable expectations -- these aren't welcome constraints to antisocial individuals. After all, rules are made by others, and others don't matter to antisocial people. (Many will hide the fact that they don't care about anyone in order to gain influence and hide their true intentions. And they conceal their lack of caring well - feigning the empathy they lack, expertly mimicking those around them and blending in.) Depending on the individual and his or her particular combination of traits and characteristics, the antisocial person may covertly and sneakily break rules when no-one is watching, consistently blatantly break rules in full view and boast about their ability to do so, or any combination of the two. Some are prone to bragging about rules they have broken or offenses they have committed. Whether overt or covert, their disregard and contempt for reasonable interpersonal expectations, inability to abide by laws, gross inability to honor agreements, lack of respect for boundaries, and rejection of healthy norms and requirements are common among antisocial individuals. More Here: http://www.lightshouse.org/things-sociopaths-do.html#ixzz2fHN25UWU
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